I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
