my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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