I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
