a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
