by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
