I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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