she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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