Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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