My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
