Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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