I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
