Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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