i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
