u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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