New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
