sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
