my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
