It's Friday. Sex?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
