You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize