Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
