Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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