I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize