My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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