I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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