we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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