there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize