Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
