Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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