my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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