im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
