One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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