he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
