so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
