Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
