Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
