This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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