I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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