dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
