im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
