Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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