My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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