I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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