he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize