Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
