i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Are we still banned from the library?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
