Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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