Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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