Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
