My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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