My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
