If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
