Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
