Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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