You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
