She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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