Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
