Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
