I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're too hungover to prance.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
