11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
