i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
