a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
