dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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