therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
