i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
