i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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