he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
