Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
