Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
