So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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